Have you ever noticed how menopausal women can be a little ‘crazy’? Suddenly they stop putting up with other people’s shit – especially unacceptable behaviour from their spouse. They start not putting the (usually grown-up but still needy) children first, and start doing things for themselves. They form gangs of other middle-aged women and start taking on causes and caring about things that really matter.
They can also find themselves immersed in an angry divorce, fueled by years of repressed rage or misery – or just wild hormones not yet tamed. In the same way as we reframe our appreciation of the menopause journey, by understanding our Divorce Crazy Menopause Mindset, we can avoid much misery (and cost) whilst launching ourselves forwards on a new road to freedom – which may or may not include actually getting divorced.
Let me explain.
My family separation happened before menopause kicked in and it wasn’t what I wanted at all – but soon I began to realise it was a gift in disguise. Menopause felt like that too. Yes I got a bit crazy and angry sometimes, but that spurred me on to learn how to deal with my emotions better and to express them more honestly – but still peacefully. Well, most of the time.
Hot flushes reminded me that my circulation was still good and strong and I hate being cold anyway. Being more vulnerable with my emotions was also an outcome of menopause for me – as they were harder to hide – and that allowed for deeper friendships with others. My changing shape was fought against for a while – but then embraced. Finally, I have boobs! And some curves on my hips. Who wants to go into old age looking like a bean pole?
The divorce journey can be triggered by menopause. And as Marian Williamson often says: “Love is sometimes saying ‘NO’”. We only have one life. Not all relationships are designed to feed our souls remaining in matrimony forever. The courage that can come from the transformation that menopause brings leads many a woman on a new and adventurous path, and that can mean leaving a spouse or partner.
My journey has taken me into local politics, becoming a Parish Councillor, starting my own business and creating free resources to help people navigate more peaceful ways to divorce. And this last journey reached a nice little peak; a bit of a hot flush when I found myself surrounded by a giant red shoe and the words TEDx in December just gone, knees trembling on the big red dot, delivering my first TEDx talk.
Why is it that we find ‘peace’ so difficult – especially when divorcing? What is the delusion so many of us fall victim to in the war of divorce, and how can we battle those misconceptions and see ‘peace’ for what it really is? That was the subject of my TEDx talk – and also of my own journey into post-menopause.
On my journey, I had learned that there is no such thing as a broken family – only an extended family. And I learned how to help others – as our experiences often prepare us to be of value to others, which is handy. I save people thousands of pounds by helping them avoid wasting money they don’t need to spend on a messy divorce, helping them to discover the amazing tools in the Peace Tool Box of divorce and co-parenting.
I didn’t achieve all that by being calm and sensible and safe. Sometimes being a bit crazy is a good thing.
Divorce Strategist™️ Suzy Miller TEDx is titled ‘Peace Delusion In The War Of Divorce’. She shares her own personal journey of going through family break-up to later collaborating with the Ministry Of Justice in promoting more peaceful divorce and appearing on national television after staging the UK’s first-ever Divorce Fair.
To find out more from Suzy, here are her links:
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Free divorce resources are available at www.bestwaytodivorce.co.uk